Whoa! Didja get the numbers off that truck?!?

October 27, 2004 - 6:39 a.m.

The thing about doctors

First off, thanks for your concern, readers. The overwhelming opinion in my guestbook seems to be: go see a doctor.

For what? I passed out twice, I've been fine ever since.

In these litigious times, when doctors pay more annually than my salary on malpractice insurance, the focus has changed. The care and feeding of the defense lawyer on a future malpractice suit takes precedence over the care of the patient. Several useless MRI scans, blood tests, EKGs would be ordered up, and worst of all the doc would tell me I can't drive. If you're wondering why the cost of healthcare is skyrocketing, think about that.

How am I supposed to get to work to pay for all those useless tests if he pulls my license?

The key to good health is diet, not doctors. Doctors play an educated guessing game, with expensive testing as their darts thrown against the diagnostic dartboard. The total price tag for Son2's trip on the medical merry-go-round was about $30K, and the diagnosis? Essentially they don't know what the fuck happened. I would gladly pay twice that much to keep him and Son1 healthy; but it illustrates the expensive futility of present day diagnostic techniques.

I'm back down to my target weight of 180 pounds (yes!), but last week's episode taught me that perhaps I should have more than a bowl of Smart Start for dinner. ($1.99 a box at Big Lots, people!) Ain't it fun when your clothes don't fit?

I'm fine. I'm not going to die just yet, there are too many interesting things to experience in the future. I'm also not going to pass out behind the wheel and take out a school bus full of nuns and homeless children. Most of all, I'm not going to subject myself to the medical process as some MD tries to guess what's wrong, and his defense lawyer acts as an invisible coach.

I'm hungry, let's eat.

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