Whoa! Didja get the numbers off that truck?!?

February 01, 2002 - 7:59 p.m.

Big Lots

Well this is kinda about Big Lots, and kinda about Marketing.

If you don�t have a Big Lots in your area, then that�s too bad. Big Lots is a great place for Cheap-Ass folks like myself to find a good bargain.

You have to be careful because a lot of the stuff there is just plain crap. I don�t know where it comes from. But the stuff that has name brands on it is always a good deal.

I�m not really positive on this but the Big Lots concept started in the early 80�s in Columbus Ohio. And if my scuttlebutt is correct, the founder of Big Lots was an entrepreneur that bought out the assets of failing businesses for a fraction of the cost, and re-sold it. For instance, the DeLorean Motor Company. He took all that was left. Hell, they can�t be all bad, they got Jerry Van Dyke as a spokesbitch. He�s a bit of an end lot himself.

I was there today, stocking up on Real Bargains. I got a Betty Crocker chocolate cake mix with Arabic graphics on it for a buck. I got the frosting too. They�re always good for breakfast cereal too, and sometimes you can get a boatload of Pop-Tarts for a buck a box.

But, today�s find was inevitable.

Remember the excitement generated last year when they announced the advent of Green Ketchup? (Catsup, whatever, who cares? Your mileage may vary.) This was supposed to be the beginning of a Big Thing. All the kiddies would revel at the sight of a New Thing, stuff that tastes like ketchup but is colored green. How cool is that?!?

Not very cool apparently, it ended up at Big Lots. But I could not resist the zippy spiral green/green graphics and the handy squirt top. How convenient! Plus it was a dollar and a half. This is garage sale bargain level, people.

I squirted some out for my French fries tonight. It�s very definitely green, an unnatural green, like racing green. The color British Leyland used on the ill-fated MG. It�s kind of disturbing actually, it elicits a �I shouldn�t eat this� response. It�s like Tempra paint for some school project. Imagine you�re back in grade school and you have to make a big St. Patrick�s Day poster. This is the color you�d load your brush with. Sure it tastes like ketchup. But eating involves all five senses, and if one of them is voting �no� the motion ain�t gonna carry. It�s like blue Jello. What flavor is blue?

I like my ketchup red, thank you.

I wonder if the marketing genius on this project kept his job?

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