Whoa! Didja get the numbers off that truck?!?


July 23, 2005 - 11:27 a.m.

Dear Cigarettes:
We break up all the time, donít we? Weíve been off and on for over half my life. If I treated humans the way I treat you guys, Iíd never have any friends.
Oh wait, Iíve done that.
Youíre always so patient and understanding when I break up with you. You nod in knowing fashion; Iíll be back sooner or later. I always come back. Then weíre fully on again, youíre stinking up the house and my clothes and the car. I start making excuses to be with you and spend money on you. You give me that smoky hit to the back of my throat that I canít get anywhere else. Before long Iím back to buying cartons so as to never run out.
Iíve been keeping track of the days since our last breakup on my kitchen calendar. Weíre up to 28 now. Nicotine gum has been my relief from your influence. The ashtrays are now filled with gum wrappers instead of your butts. The house doesnít stink and the carís beginning to smell new again. Son2 has joined me in this endeavor, because I couldnít do it alone. His habit is not as deeply ingrained as mine is, that was part of my convincing logic to get him to stop too. Son1 hasnít smoked in three months.
You notice I said ďstopĒ and not ďquit.Ē People never quit smoking cigarettes, they just stop for awhile. Thatís the quickie-mart logic I got from the guy who works at the convenience store within walking distance of my house. Heís a professional too, he always knew my brand of cowboy killers and he would automatically get a pack out for me when I came into the store.
I want to make this a permanent change. I had quit for so long, the influence of cigarette smoke had completely left my life, I had forgotten what it was like to have a daily habit. Most of the folks I knew didnít smoke either. When the shit hit the fan in 2001 I started flirting with you again. I began a start/stop pattern with you for a year. In May of 2003 I was driving home from the end of an era, in a different mindset. I figured at the time that it really wouldnít matter if I started smoking full-time again. So I did. I try not to think of all the money Iíve wasted on you.
So donít call, donít drop by, donít tempt me.






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