Whoa! Didja get the numbers off that truck?!?

March 15, 2004 - 8:59 p.m.

Synopsis

My adventure is drawing to a close. I can tell you now that I didn't get what I expected. I've been known to be a stubborn person and I keep working at a problem until I find a solution. But even I have my limits. Should I give up, after one month's effort? My emotional side says no, my rational side says enough.

Some people I know admire my effort to "put myself out there" despite the risk. Perhaps that's true but I've had enough.

For those unaware of what I'm talking about, I put myself out there: here, here and here. I played the game, I composed a thoughtful profile and felt it represented me best. Unlike previous attempts, I got responses... lots of them. I corresponded with these women, we exchanged email, we talked on the phone, we used the various instant messaging programs to get to know one another better. I told my life's story in many different ways. Honestly, I got so tired of telling the same story I reduced it to cutting and pasting and then editing it to suit the need.

I went on too many first dates. That was usually it. In some cases it wasn't bad that it ended but in others it was. I got tossed on the cutting room floor more than once.

When you're twenty, you tend to be more forgiving and your youth and inexperience allows you to take a more open minded view of the process. When you're forty or more, the process takes on a surgical precision of sorts. There's a lot more at stake, and you have already experienced enough life to know what you really want. I guess what happened to me was the women I met had a specific list of traits they were looking for and the face meeting was the determining factor of "you is or you ain't the one." Without knowing it, I was somehow pushed into the "no prospect" list in that single interview. I am guilty of the same attitude, so I can't find fault with that. Some were very direct, they let me know they weren't interested in any further contact, and it was time to shove off. Others just disappeared without a backward glance, which I found insulting.

I am in no position financially to maintain monthly memberships in online meeting sites. I also find it foolish to spend money on things that yield no benefit. It's not right to view these events as personal but that's really what it is. I got out of sales because the denial there can wear you down, but that's not personal rejection; the customer is not interested in what you have for sale. When what I offer is me, and I get turned down, I quit.

Perhaps I've just become jaded in my relative old age. Frankly, I know what I want too, and the ones I met were nice but they didn't represent all of it in the first meeting. It takes time to get to know someone and meeting someone for coffee in a family style restaurant is hardly the basis for learning.

I have a lot to offer the right woman. The sort filters don't show that. The emails and chat sessions don't convey that. "You're a really great guy, but..."

It's time to cut my losses, put my efforts into working long hours and dig myself out of my financial mess. I don't have time for this.

"In search of..." Me.

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