Whoa! Didja get the numbers off that truck?!?

March 06, 2003 - 10:03 p.m.

She wore Blue Velvet

Not really. But it's an intriguing headline, don't you think?

That's a Bobby Vinton song that was popular when I was in first grade (for all you post-Telstar whippersnappers out there). I was always intrigued by the melody. I remember the humiliation associated with getting busted by Newt after she heard me singing it in the bathroom, while in the tub. I was six for Chrissakes, as old as in that picture up there.

I sometimes lately hear the melody playing in my head for no apparent reason these days, and I'm surprised to find that I still know the lyrics. They went something like this: "...and if they do the trick, she'll probably suck my dick..."

What. Did you think I'd play this cornball nostalgia trip straight? Hell no! Bobby Vinton? What the fuck?!?

I came home from work today to find a surprise from the Tan Dog. Trash can dumped sideways. Contents of trash can scattered across the kitchen. She even selected some especially savory pieces and carried them into the living room. May I say that I'm surprised at how much coffee grounds can accumulate in a week? She knew she did something wrong too. Very contrite. Damn bitch. I put a password on the computer too, you won't be seeing any updates from her in the near future.

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