Whoa! Didja get the numbers off that truck?!?

August 04, 2002 - 1:29 p.m.

I need ideas

I'm going to kill April.

Seriously.

It's hard to type that in, to resist the urge to backspace it out... because it's true.

My house is starting to smell like a doggie litterbox (if there were such a thing). Trust me, I let her out, but still she comes in and takes a whiz wherever she wants. I keep finding dog turds in random locations.

She spends her days snoozing in her crate (which is now upstairs to lessen the risk of her falling down the basement stairs). When she's not doing that, she's walking around bumping into things while looking for a new and different place to take a dump.

I've discussed this euthanasia issue with the kids, but they want her to "go naturally". I remind them of her proud heritage of being a pain-in-the-ass valiant watchdog. I point out that barking loudly at perceived threats while trotting into an open closet door is not dignified behavior. She can't guard us from sparrows and neighbor kids on bikes anymore, because she can't see. That was her mission in life.

I really don't want to do it either, but I know what she was before, and what she is now is not a whole dog.

the last one -*- the next one